Follow Me On Twitter And You Could WIN
Hey party people, If you’re not already following me on Twitter (@redpatterndress), you totes should! No, freals… not only will following me boost your emo cred, but it’ll also help find a cure for lactose intolerance. Okay, that last part isn’t entirely true, but it could be! Sorta. Not really. Gah!! Seriously, though, I’ve decided to run super-radtastic giveaways every time I add 100 followers. The winner of my first contest was the amazing @hoppusfanmuch who won the cutest lil’ goodie bag put together by yours truly. It contained: + + Do the right thing, Spike Lee-style, and follow me on Twitter!! In case you can’t remember my handle, it’s @redpatterndress, @redpatterndress, @redpatterndress, @redpatterndress, @redpatterndress,…
My Favorite Sentence
I’m tres busy slaving away on my first cover story in forevs. However, I thought I should pause to admire my own literary brilliance. (Because I’m modest like that.) Truth be told, this might be the most fave sentence I’ve scribbled in ages: “Unlike on the No Doubt tour, there are no Housewives Gone Wild here; instead, you’ve got a fine selection of neon-clad, pint-sized Hayley clones, dudes with the back of their neck’s pierced (ouch!), and zit-faced teenage couples who look like they’re one face-sucking session away from appearing on MTV’s 16 And Pregnant.” It’ll make much more sense in context. Trust.
Rest In Peace, Killer Cacti
There’s prolly a reason why most people, people with greener thumbs and more common sense than me, don’t buy plants and such at Ikea. That reason is that said plants die—like, a really brutal death and stuff. A moment of silence for the death of my kitchen cactus. He’s been in poor health for a while, but it looked like he was gonna pull through. Sadly, he took a turn for the worse last night and went to the big plant farm in the sky. Sniff, sniff. This is my open casket—er, garbage can—viewing. For those of you lucky to have met my sickly cactus, I hope he touched your life. He was kind of…
Cribs!
While I was distracting myself with a lil’ telly (so that I could avoid transcribing the final two Paramore interviews), I happened to turn on MTV and see The All-American Rejects hosting an episode of Cribs. Immediately, I was struck with two thoughts: 1. I had no idea they still made Cribs. 2. Doth my eyes deceive me or is that my literary awesomeness I see on the screen??? Okay, technically speaking, it’s a snipe of the first AAR cover for Alternative Press but I wrote it so, by the transitive property, I WAS TOTALLY ON CRIBS TODAY!! See for yourself… Back in my old Cleveland apartment, I even had the same poster displayed in…
Big Ups To DiNG
Holy balogna!! The feverishly handsome and awesomely brilliant John Oakes sent me the dopest tech skins that just-so-happen to pimp a lil’ book written by you-know-who. SQUEAL!! I can hardly contain my self-promotional pride. What do you guys think?? Is my MacBook well-dressed or what? Spanks, DiNG!! I heart your guts so bad!!
Best AIM Convo Ever
Les Simes 7:51 um, it’s prolly a bad idea that i’m watching “the 650-lb virgin” right now, huh? Rachel Lux 7:52 hahahahahaha only bad because I can’t watch it, too Les Simes 7:52 homeboy lost 450 pounds or something and now he’s looking for someone to give his gift™ to Rachel Lux 7:52 and he still weighs 650? Les Simes 7:52 no, now’s he’s 220 Rachel Lux 7:52 ah Les Simes 7:52 he used to be 650 so, really, the title is misleading Rachel Lux 7:53 holy shitballs Les Simes 7:53 it should be “guy who used to be 650 lbs but is now decent-looking wants to get laid”
Oklahoma, Okay!
When I was contacted by Dave at Oklahoma Lefty about doing an interview for him and his bitchin’ blog, I was stoked beyond words. Two of my dearest bros are from the lovely city of Edmond, so I feel like I’m kind of an Okie by association. I think the Q&A turned out awesome, especially because I heart being called “ultra-hilarious.” Score! I’m feverishly trying to do a million-and-a-half different things before I get on a jetplane tomorrow and fly to St. Louis, where I’ll be meeting up with Paramore on Wednesday. Eek!! I feel like I’m really breaking out of the retirement home for this piece because I haven’t written anything like it in…
