Let me start off by saying that I hate running. I used to say unless there was someone chasing me or a big bag of money across the street, I wasn’t moving these gams for no one.

Then I hit 30 — and my metabolism plummeted. I quickly learned if I didn’t want to turn into a big ball of mush, I would need to put aside my problems with jogging and learn how to fly like the wind.

After investing in a super-cute outfit, shiny new trainers and fancy pedometer, I turned my attention to the most important part of my cardiovascular mission: Making a high-energy playlist. I spent hours testing the BPMs, counterpoint textures and ascending rhythm of chord progressions to make sure I compiled the most high-energy songs possible. Finally, I was equipped with everything I needed to run circles around Carmelita Jeter.

I’d love to tell you that I run 10 miles every day and am currently training for the New York Marathon. Unfortunately, I’d be lying. In the past year, I can count the times I’ve gone jogging on one hand — and three fingers, if you want to get technical. I can say that I listen to my running mix all the time, though. It’s the greatest soundtrack for bedroom dance parties. (Hell, those have gotta burn some calories, right?)

That’s why you should do as I say; not as I do. So, if you’re looking to raise your heart rate and log some miles on the concrete, I suggest you load up your music player with songs from CSS, Daft Punk, The Sounds and Shiny Toy Guns.

To read the entire column, head over to MTV Buzzworthy.

When I was younger, I totally thought I was famous. Actually, I thought my name was famous. See, my dad was a classic-rock fanatic and insisted on turning up the oldies station whenever we were in the car together. From an early age, I learned to appreciate Motown, soul and, of course, The Beatles. While my friends were freaking out over Milli Vanilli, I was rocking out to Big Bopper.

I was especially taken with the song “Groovin’” by The Young Rascals. In addition to having an impressive harmonica solo, I was also stoked because it sounded like frontman Felix Cavaliere was singing about me… Leslie! There’s this part in the blissful ditty where he swoons, “Life could be ecstasy/You and me and Leslie.” Sure, I was a little confused why Cavaliere would invite a third party on a date with him and his girlfriend, but who was I to judge? I found out years later that he wasn’t really singing my name’s praises: The lyric actually goes, “Life could be ecstasy/You and me endlessly.” What a bummer.

Attention, songwriters: I’m still waiting to be the inspiration for a hit so feel free to throw my name into the musical mix and see what comes out. In case you need help, my name easily rhymes with “folie,” “tensely” and “Nestle.”

What are some songs that do feature real names in the title? I’m glad you asked. Let’s pretend we’re members of the American Name Society and check out songs from Amy Winehouse, Kaiser Chiefs, The Shins and Elvis Costello.

To read the entire column, head over to MTV Buzzworthy.

When it’s this hot out, there’s no point in leaving the comfort of my air-conditioned bedroom — and if I am forced to leave my air-conditioned bedroom, then there’s really no point in putting effort into my appearance because I’m going to look like a wilted piece of lettuce the second I step outside.

All this talk about the heat wave got me thinking about the four elements — earth, wind, fire and water — and, more specifically, the songs that these phases of matter have inspired. To get closer to nature, check out songs by Bright Eyes, Jawbreaker, The Carpenters and Tegan And Sara.

To read the entire column, head over to MTV Buzzworthy.

Have you ever become addicted to someone, “Intervention”-style?

Like a minute couldn’t go by where you didn’t think about them or what they were doing or who they were doing it with? Like you Googled their name a million times to see if you could piece together a virtual scrapbook of their entire life? Like you had to hunt down all of their past loves so you could see if they were prettier/smarter/thinner/funnier than you and then, in turn, compare yourself to them endlessly? Like, your obsession to know anything and everything about them became so out of control that you were a couple camera crews away from Jeff Van Vonderen standing on the other side of a hotel conference room door, telling you your loved ones felt like they were losing you and they wanted to get you back?

Yeah, me neither. I can imagine it’s a really intense feeling, though. One that definitely needs its own musical score. When stalking, er, researching the object of your affection, might I suggest the following tunes from Blondie, Kylie Minogue, No Doubt and Hall & Oats.

To read the entire column, hoof it over to MTV Buzzworthy.

I’m not ashamed to admit I’m one of those weirdos who actually likes to clean. Okay, I love it. I worship at the altar of my Swiffer Wet Jet. I get giddy when I buy refills of Mrs. Meyer’s all-purpose cleaner. And sometimes I make a mess just so I have something to tidy up.

See, when I put on my cleaning hat*, I also put on my set of dirt-fighting jams to keep me pumped while I scrub and shaking my groove thing while I’m pushing the vaccuum.

If you’re looking for tunes to help you shimmy with your shammy, might I recommend the following songs from Ida Maria, Hellogoodbye, Two Door Cinema Club and Phoenix.

* I don’t really have a cleaning hat, but that might be worth looking into. Maybe something like this, perhaps?

To read the entire column, hoof it over to MTV Buzzworthy.

I think someone slipped some Haterade into my vanilla rooibos tea because I’m feeling all sorts of punchy. It’s like the smallest thing will piss me off, and I’ll launch into a grumbly and sarcastic tirade reminiscent of “Really!?! with Seth & Amy.” Plus, I HATE being in a bad mood, which puts me in an even WORSE mood.

It’s not pretty, people. Look away.

This unexplained aggression has been the inspiration for my newest column. See, there’s a lot of stuff I don’t understand in the world — i.e. how Marilyn Monroe died, what caused someone to create Carhenge or why the heck Kim Kardashian celebrated her engagement by dipping two mini-horses in glitter – and usually I can accept the unknown. However, when it comes to the following crop of artists, I can stop scratching my head and muttering obscenities under my breath. Why? I’m not sure. Maybe I don’t get their art™. Or I’m allergic to their music. Irregardless, I think it deserves further investigation.

So apply your colored contacts, tighten up your Minnie Mouse headband and take out your Zef dictionary because you’re about to experience NSFW and SMH majesty of Blood On The Dance Floor, Millionaires, Kreayshawn and Die Antwoord.

To read the entire column, hoof it over to MTV Buzzworthy.

For me, music is a very emotional thing. Sometimes it makes you cry. (Hats off to you, Mumford And Sons.) Other times it makes you want to break s***. (I can’t tell you how many times I’ve blasted The Bronx in my apartment, started a one-person circle pit and accidentally knocked over a ficus.)

Or it can induce a major case of the ha-has. In the last couple weeks, I’ve put away the weepy ballads and angst anthems in favor of more lighthearted fair. Enough with the tears and shadowboxing. It’s time to start LOLing.

I can’t seem to get enough “laugh rock” these days, and thankfully I’ve got Garfunkel And Oates, Bo Burnham, Flight Of The Conchords and The Lonely Island to tickle my funny bone — and a couple other body parts. (Kidding! Sorta.)

To read the entire column, hoof it over to MTV Buzzworthy. 

One listen and you’re hooked.

That’s how I’d describe what I like to call a “gateway song.” You know the type. It’s the tune that you form an immediate attachment to and obsession with after only one encounter. It’s the one you feel powerless around. The one you can’t get out of your head. You want to know more about it. You NEED to know more about it. You will stop at nothing until you’re completely dependent upon it and your life will never be the same again.

OK, deep breath. Gateway songs aren’t supposed to be scary or debilitating. They won’t lead you to the door of Dr. Drew’s “Sober House.” What they will do is open your mind to a whole new musical existence, and how can that be a bad thing?

So grab a couple bags of Cheetos, turn on the black light and get comfortable because you’re about to drop in on the heightened euphoric perception of Dashboard Confessional, The Clash, Whiskeytown and Phish.

To read the entire column, hoof it over to MTV Buzzworthy.

This week’s column is inspired by a recent trip to the West Coast and features music from The Distillers, Everclear, Hole and Coconut Records.

I’m still brainstorming what to write about next. Any suggestions? Leave me a comment and I just might scribble up your idea!

I’m also pleased to introduce a new column I’ll be writing for MTV Buzzworthy. It’s called Soundtrack Of My Life and it’ll be a weekly playlist compiled by yours truly. Click here—or on the lovely logo below—and read my inaugural column, which just so happens to be about Dudes In Suits. Swoon.

More stories/ramblings/posts to come. SWEARS!