Tardy To The Party

When it comes to updating this web site, I’ve totes been tardy to the party, Kim Zolciak-style. Oof!! Please forgive!! In order to celebrate my return to the land of the online living, it’s about time to launch my third Twitter contest. If you’re all, “Huh? Wha Twitter contest? You talkin’ all sorts of crazy, lady,” here’s a refresher…

I vowed that for every 100 new followers I get on Twitter, I’d offer up a super-awesome, jam-packed goodie bag to one lucky lurker. Truth be told, I slightly missed the boat on 600 followers—current tally is 621, natch!—but I’m gonna get back on track if it kills me. One anti-denim-leggings-wearing winner will get an autographed copy of my latest book Wish You Were Here, a couple limited-edition Wish You Were Here Sharpies and a special lil’ surprise that”ll make you swoon. Swears! Just ask @cand, who won my second giveaway!

Here’s your mission, should you choose to accept it…

Please answer the following question: “If you could have any author—alive or dead—write the story of your life, who would it be and why?”

For example, mine would be Jane Austen because I’d love to read how my sass—and accompanying foible-filled experiences—would translate in 19th-century English literature. Plus, she also has the experience of being unlucky in love, which would only help make my solo-tastic, life-story pop of the page. (Cue the cat-loving spinster waterworks.)

Twitter-Away Giveaway Instructions:

  1. Leave your answer—including AUTHOR and EXPLANATION—as a comment on this post.
  2. Be sure to include your Twitter name in your comment, as well. You must be actively following me on Twitter in order to win. Yes, I’ll check so please don’t try to scam me and your fellow followers.
  3. Deadline for submissions is Thursday, October 8 at 12 PM PST.
  4. Winner will be notified by Friday, October 9th. Due to rain, picking a winner has been slightly delayed. Best answer will be awarded this week, though. Swears!!
  5. Contests sounds way fancy and profesh when they have detailed instructions, don’t they?

If you and your besties aren’t following me on Twitter, what are you waiting for??

13 Responses to “Tardy To The Party”
  1. Alycia says:

    I would want Chuck Palahniuk (known for Fight Club, although I much prefer Invisible Monsters) to write my biography. This isn’t just because he’s my favorite author (next to J.K. Rowling, of course, whom I could never discount). Palahniuk is a master at first-person, which might be an interesting route for the story of my life, and my favorite Palahniuk work, Invisible Monsters, is written from the point-of-view of a female protagonist–which is evidence he can write about women effectively. Palahniuk’s command of the English language is unique, just like my life, and his (at times dark) sense of humor meshes well with mine. If Chuck Palahniuk were to pen the story of my life, he would, armed with just the right metaphors, craft my life into a story worthy to stand on the shelf beside his other works. Just as said works do, it would make me laugh, wince, and exclaim in surprise at what I like to call the “Chuck Epiphany Moment.” And it would be MY story I’d be reading, so that’s saying something.

    twitter username: @xreeshix ( http://twitter.com/xreeshix )

  2. Susan says:

    Jeffrey Eugenides because then my life would be dark, mysterious, and beautifully written. And Sofia Coppola could make it into a movie, cast cousin Robert Schwartzman to play my adorable love interest (ok, so some parts of the bio might not be entirely true…) and put everything to an awesome soundtrack. @susanpatricia – follow me!

  3. Stephanie says:

    Dorothy Parker, because everything in my life would be 120% wittier and more cynical as well as amusing if she wrote it. After her death, her ashes were kept in her lawyer’s filing cabinet for over 11 years, something I’m sure Dorothy would have found pretty typical of her life. It was those kinds of “good grief” moments that made her snappy and fresh. I’m fairly certain that I was born into the wrong era, and I think Dottie would be able to craft my life story so that I would be able to see what it would have been like if I had landed in the 1920s. And she was a screenwriter, so she could write the movie, too. Although, I’m not sure how far she’d get because she’d probably need to stop a lot to go out for martinis. (What I wouldn’t give for the chance to go back in time and have a drink with that woman!)

    Twitter – @slo1987

  4. J.R.R. Tolkien because I would like to read about a guy that gets involved in a situation that apparently has nothing to do with him causing him a very stressful time. A story with a lack of love in his life. A lot of pain inside his heart that needs to be released in some way besides the fact that he is sorrounded by mysterious scenarios and finds no place in a town so he needs to move to a new place to start again 😀 All this story with weird animals, trees, powers, rational people that are not necessarily human beings.


  5. Lauren says:

    Frank Miller.
    Technically I suppose he’s not a novelist (in the strictest sense) but his graphic novels feature more compelling characters than half of the books I’ve read. If Miller were in charge of retelling my story, I would rest assured that it would be nothing but the (occasionally dark & dirty) truth – a perfect blend of snarky comebacks and uncomfortable realizations.

    Besides, I’ve always wanted to wear a bitchin’ cape…

    -Lauren (twitter.com/Lauren__Rae)

  6. Josh C says:

    Charles Bukowski. No doubt about it. His writing is cynical and somewhat depressing, but always real. I personally feel a connection to his character Henry Chinaski, who leaves a life of dead-end jobs and corporate hierarchies to pursue a life in writing. I mean, this is practically my life already. I feel like Bukowksi could easily and accurately portray my sarcasm, gambling problem and love of writing. Maybe it’s me who is just like Bukowski, or Bukowski who was just like me, but either way this is the writer I would honestly want to write my story. Truthful, harsh and elegant. My life in words.

    Twitter: josh_couillard

  7. Amanda says:

    Kurt Vonnegut. He and I are both Indiana natives and he is the author I respect the most. It amazes me how much creativity a single man can have. Whether it is a short story or one of his novels I find myself deep into the story, with little hope on finding my way out, nor do I want to find a way out. Though my life is no where near as interesting as a science-fiction novel, I think Vonnegut could use his skilled satire writing to make my life, which has had it’s share of ups and downs (more downs now that I think of it), comical and an enjoyable read for others. Of course he could include his famous drawing and pencil sketches to add other elements to the great story of my life.

    Twitter: AmandaIsACult

  8. Seth says:

    Stephen Chbosky. The Perks Of Being A Wallflower is my all time favorite book and it had such a great influence on me. I would want him to write my story because I know that he has the ability to get a sense of real emotion in real situations. Plus, he has great taste of music so with that, I’d be sure my story would also become a great soundtrack to listen to.

  9. Seth says:

    oops, sorry, forgot twitter info:


  10. Cris says:

    Cowriters Rachel Cohn/ David Leviathan for their books Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist and Naomi & Eli’s No Kiss List. They put new twists on overdone plotlines and would make my life more interesting than it is. Their characters are absolutely relateable. Relatively simple writing style, but with awesomely random metaphors and situations.

    …and they’d sprinkle my life with a thousand music references.


  11. I would totes use David Sedaris. He is so funny, he could turn all my super un-funny and often sad experiences into a comedic piece of genius! When I read his stuff on the train to work I often LOL so hard, i look up and the entire car of Chicagoans are staring at me. People have a tendancy of turning life’s experiences into something tragic and Sedaris totes has the BEST way of finding something to laugh about in anything. I have had so many great experiences and met so many incredibly awesome people, who better to tell my story than David Sedaris? Unless that person is Les Simes but I’m totes sure she is sticking with writing of the musical stylings. Blerg!

  12. Mike Lewis says:

    I would have Larry McMurtry write my life story because:
    1. Even at my douchiest moments i would seem quirky and pretty badass (similar to Woodrow Call in Lonesome Dove)
    2. The landscape of my surroundings would seem beautiful
    3. The ladies in my life would seem to fit me and my place in the world. I would seem less like a picky arrogant romantic and more like a man walking this earth on a mission who just happens to be sans female b/c they can’t keep up with me
    4. I would probably be on a horse

  13. Liz says:

    Steve Martin, yes *that* Steve Martin. And the reason I say Steve Martin is because of a lovely little novella he wrote called Shopgirl. If he can write the fictional Mirabelle so honestly in her search of finding love and learning about herself through her mundane daily life then I’d love to see how he’d tell the story of mine. His obvious humor, intelligence and love of art would surely highlight my personality well.


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More about Leslie Simon

Leslie is the author of Geek Girls Unite: How Fangirls, Bookworms, Indie Chicks and Other Misfits Are Taking Over the World, out now through It Books. She is also the author of Wish You Were Here: An Essential Guide to Your Favorite Music Scenes and co-author of Everybody Hurts: An Essential Guide to Emo Culture. She currently lives in Los Angeles, CA.